We all need allies, writes our columnist SJ. Here’s what a recent encounter with an Engineering Fellow taught them about vulnerability, acceptance and forging strong bonds in workplace environments
I grew up reading tales of Camelot, spellbound by stories about King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. I was particularly obsessed with stories in which women masqueraded as men, in order to be treated as equals on the battlefield. I was obsessed with the idea that the gender of the person wielding a sword didn’t matter, only their heart and determination.
In the big engineering organisations of today, we also encounter knights, although they are more commonly referred to as Engineering Fellows. Like their Camelot counterparts, they sit at special tables, serving as technical advisors and supporting the business with engineering expertise.
Until recently, I hadn’t met a Fellow myself. I had only heard of them from others, who reverently whispered about Fellows as if they were legends from a bygone era. Then I crossed paths with one of these knights, and our quest began.
The background to that meeting was my request to a colleague about to leave the company to nominate me as his replacement and give me the chance to work with an Engineering Fellow. At first, he was hesitant and I couldn’t understand why. Eventually, he admitted: “It’s your gender.”
I was floored. I had only been ‘out’ as non-binary for three years. I was struggling to find my footing on the battlefield. So I pushed my colleague to elaborate. After all, our organisation is known for championing diverse leadership.
“He’s a good man, but a religious one. He’s from a different time than you and I. It’s your pronouns. I don’t want you to get hurt if he’s callous with his language,” my colleague explained.
At this, a giggle burst from my lips. I was born in the swampy backwaters of the southern United States. I’m no stranger to callous language. “Put my name forward for consideration,” I told my colleague. “I promise you, I can handle it.”
Merlin it over
My advice to anyone starting out on a quest like this is to know three key things: what you want, why you want it, and how you’re going to get it.
When fatigue sets in, understanding these points is what will carry you through in any battle. I wear that understanding like armour into every meeting.
For me: I wanted political connections, so I could have the power to create change within my organisation; I wanted that power and influence, so that I could foster the growth and adoption of a technology that I fundamentally believe will be revolutionary for our business. And I knew in my engineering gut that the support from this Fellow for additive manufacturing could cement it as a strategic technology for the organisation.
How did that pan out? It wasn’t easy at first. In one of our early meetings, the Fellow in question turned to me as I was reviewing my slides. “Hey SJ,” he said, “I’m sorry. I hope you know I’m trying.”
I was confused. Trying? Fortunately, he continued. He told me that he had been trying hard in meetings to respect my pronouns. He told me it was a challenge for him, as this was so new and different from the engineering world in which he grew up. He was afraid of offending me, and others like me, in these meetings, but the concept of gender identity was still foreign to him. He was struggling to adjust.
His vulnerability floored me. I stammered out a response, indicating that trying was enough. It was enough to make me feel like he cared about me as a person. That no one is perfect. That I wouldn’t get mad, or cry, or ‘cancel’ him if he slipped up occasionally.
“Good, very good!” he said, relief in his voice. “I think we work well together as a team, and at the end of the day, I really care about this technology, and I think it’s critical to our future success.”
And there it was: his ‘why’ and my ‘why’ were now in alignment.
Circle of trust
For anyone else out there struggling to show up authentically at work, especially those in marginalised or underrepresented minority groups, here are a few tips that I’ve found helpful as a squire in training.
First, keep your cool. If someone says something untoward, don’t let their behaviour provoke you into a reaction. Keep interactions polite, focused on the topic at hand and, where possible, brief.
I recognise that my experience with this knight could have gone awry. I was lucky that he was vulnerable early on, which allowed me to address the issue directly, which brings me to my second tip: if it’s safe for you to do so, address problematic behaviours head-on and as early as you can. For example, “I noticed you [insert behaviour]. Is there a reason for that?”
If you do find yourself in a Knightmare situation, my advice is to document everything, especially where behaviour crosses a line into discrimination, harassment or straight-out sabotage.
Finally, build strong working bonds with your fellow squires and knights. If others notice signs of prejudice, they may back you up or work as an intermediary during conflict. After all, we all need allies on the battlefield.
This article first appeared in DEVELOP3D Magazine
DEVELOP3D is a publication dedicated to product design + development, from concept to manufacture and the technologies behind it all.
To receive the physical publication or digital issue free, as well as exclusive news and offers, subscribe to DEVELOP3D Magazine here
