Say ‘I love you’ with 3D printed crap this Valentine’s Day and prepare to be dumped

Having slumped in a doorway, newspaper held above our head, perpetual rain hammering away at our soiled clothes, it would be easy to dismiss Valentines Day as something ‘not for us’.

With fewer pennies to rub together and places to go than the man storing Somerset’s supply of potassium, we’re skint, but don’t worry you can always 3D print your loved-one a gift…

Here we’ve rounded up four of the most terrifyingly inept for you to proffer to the [soon to be ex-] love of your life.

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Their/your face – optionally in chocolate

Should you have coughed up a small fortune last year on a 3D scan and have since had no use for it, why not have it 3D printed in chocolate.

Or better still, just the head, like KS Design Lab and Tokyo’s FabCafe’s efforts in Japan.

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Designer tat

Everyone loves a good designer item – some Louboutin shoes, a Prada handbag, or if you live in Oldham, an Osaka 6 T-shirt.

So why not go wild and invest in Superstar Designer™ and part time wedding DJ Karim Rashid’s new line of 3D printable tat, in standard garish colours.

The range for Leapfrog 3D printers includes some squiggles, a pen holder, a flower pot(??) and three other, um, things.

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Jewellery

It’s a tough call: Do you plump for the highly desirable, custom designed ring laser sintered in gold.

Or, do you go for the insult-to-a-Christmas-cracker-prize, PLA piece of unadulterated shame designed by a man sat in his underwear in a bedsit with a knockoff copy of Rhino?

It’s the latter all day.

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Sex toys

It’s going to hurt, as we discussed last year.